Sometimes someone who had established business or personal relationship with the deceased might avoid attending the wake, memorial or funeral service for them because they are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Unfortunately, their reluctance may be viewed as a sign of disrespect by the families and it prevents them from having the closure of saying goodbye. Here’s a short guide to attending funeral services so you can go without feeling awkward or self-conscious.

Some wakes and funeral services are held at the funeral home, even when a preacher or minister presides over the services. Whether the funeral service itself is religious or secular, attendees should always be respectful of the families’ preference and behave in a courteous manner.

If you attend the wake and do not intend to stay for the service itself, you should extend your condolences, sign the guestbook and take your leave before the funeral service begins. It is considered bad form to leave in the middle of a service. Similarly, take great care to make sure that you don’t arrive late once the service has begun. You don’t want your untimely entrance or exit to distract from those who are grieving and paying their last respects to their loved one.

If the deceased was Catholic, he or she may have a funeral Mass held at their church. Mourners who are of the same faith may elect to participate fully in the Mass, including receiving the Eucharist at communion. Non-Catholics should refrain from sacramental participation and need only remain respectfully seated during that time.

Usually there will be missalettes in the pews that allow mourners to follow along with the Mass, including the proper responses to prayers. Non-Catholics can remain silent during any professions of faith during the Mass.

If the deceased had no religious affiliation, the service itself may be more informal. Often these type of funerals include brief remembrances of special moments with the deceased during his or her lifetime by those who were close with him or her. These remarks may be prepared in advance or be more spontaneous, but should always be respectful and positive. While a lighthearted reference may be welcomed, the general tone of any remarks should remain solemn.

Again, respect is the guiding principle here. Dark-colored dresses and pant suits for women and navy or black suits for men are always appropriate. Never wear anything that could distract from the funeral services.

Sometimes bereaved family members choose to honor the deceased by requesting that mourners wear a certain color or style of dress. It’s appropriate to follow the families’ lead in such matters, but wearing a more traditional type of outfit as mentioned above is also respectful and within the bounds of decorum.

When attending any type of funeral service, make sure to express your condolences to the family and remember to sign the guest book before taking your leave.

If you need further assistance or have questions, please call our helpful staff at Tharp Funeral Home at (540) 586-3443