How to Have an End of Life Conversation with Your Kids
When your kids were little it was “the birds and the bees.”
But that was easy compared to this. Now that you are getting older, it’s time to face the reality that everyone will, eventually, pass away. And you owe it to your kids to have an end of life conversation with them so that they know what to do when you pass.
The thought of losing a parent, one of the most stable things in one’s life from birth, can be very hard to process for an adult child. This is why having that important end of life conversation with your children is a must. Not only to prepare them for it, but to help plan.
Preparing a funeral in advance can give you and your family member’s peace of mind. They will know what you want done and will be able to carry out your wishes with ease.
When the time comes, your loved ones are going to need to mourn without having to plan your funeral.
How to Bring it Up
This may be the most difficult part of the process. Your kids may not want to sit down and discuss something sad or difficult. It’s your job to make sure they know how important it is to you, and how serious it is that you have the conversation.
Here are a couple tips in bringing up a serious discussion about the celebration of your life after you pass:
You aren’t planning your death
Make sure they know this isn’t a death announcement. If you are healthy and plan to live a long life, make sure you lay that as your foundation for the entire conversation. Let them know it doesn’t have to mean you are terminally ill, or even that the time will come anytime soon, it’s just to be prepared incase anything does happen.
On the contrary, if you are sick, and you haven’t yet told your kids – then that should take precedence, and this conversation should wait for another day.
Tell Them Why You Want to Pre-plan
Set the tone by telling them that you want to have a serious discussion. Here are a few reasons that you might want to give them for your desire to pre-plan:
- You don’t want them to be burden with having to deal with this stuff once you are gone.
- You want to be involved in the decisions, and this is the easiest way for you.
- You want them to be able to come together and be able to celebrate the life that you lived.
Other Important Topics to Discuss
Important things to discuss in this talk include finances, what to do in case you end up on life support, what you want done with your property and belongings, and what your funeral plans are. Covering all these topics will take away the stress of having to deal with making these decisions while mourning.
You can expect your children to ask some questions during this talk. They may ask about your health, and why you are having this talk now. They can be expected to show concern at the thought of losing you. Once this has been settled, you don’t have to discuss it again.
The Envelope Method
So your kids refuse to talk to you about this? You aren’t alone. Many adult children feel uncomfortable having the end of the life discussion with their parents, and just don’t want to have it.
This isn’t the ideal situation, but there is a way around it. Once all of your plans are in order, put the paperwork in an envelope and give it to them. Tell them they don’t have to look at it now, but to keep it in a safe place.
